Workshop for Nbfroth

POSITION ESSAY WORKSHOP QUESTIONS
1. Thesis: "Although people are affected by their environment and some things are predisposed by DNA, those things alone do not determine if someone will become a productive member of society because it is free will, their disillusion of reality and that person's value on consequences that determine if they will become law abiding citizens."

A. Restate the thesis in your own words. If the thesis is a question and not an assertion, make it an assertion. Make sure the words “although” and "because" are in it. Although people blame Nature vs. Nurture for their bad days, it is more a question of individual mentality that paves the path towards our roles in society because every person makes their own choices, they believe what they want to believe, and they determine their own assessment of risk.

B. Does the thesis state the author's position on a controversial topic? Yes
Is it at the end of the first paragraph? Yes


2. Reasons:
List below the author's reasons for holding his or her position.

Are they listed in the thesis, or in the body of the essay? Yes

They should be listed in the thesis, and expanded upon in the body of the essay.
A. free will
B. disillusion of reality
C. value on consequences

3. Audience:
Who is the author's audience? General Public

Do they already agree with the author, or is the author writing to the opposition? Writing to the opposition

How can you tell? debunks nature vs. nurture debate as a whole

Give specific examples.

"Although one can argue that the Manson kids fell under the enchantment of Charles Manson and politics made Nixon a crook it was neither nature nor nurture that made them."

"No one truly views their world how it is really."

"The reason they fell for Charles Manson’s words were not that they were genetically weak minded as some experts like believe or looking for that missing something from childhood; they believed in some way they had been wronged in life and did not have what others did, when in fact they had what others did and in some cases more."

4. Counterargument:

List the counterarguments (arguments of the author’s oppositions) used in the essay (there should be at least three). The counter argument is Nature vs. Nurture (those saying "nature" made them do it, and those saying it was from a lack of nurturing during their childhood that made them do it.

Does the author adequately address these arguments? mostly, is a pretty big subject for a short paper, they write multi-volumed books about this debate, but for its shortness there is a good amount of quality examples.

Do you think there are other arguments that could be addressed? yes
Do you see any logical fallacies? no

A. I like statistics, and this seems like a good piece to use statistics on
B. Maybe something like: typcial demographic of most American jails (# of whites, blacks, hispanics, etc.)
C. would be good support for your second paragraph/set up for your body paragraphs

5. Title: What to Blame First the Egg or the Nest?


Does the essay have an interesting title? If not, help author come up with one. yes

6. Introduction:

Is there a catchy lead sentence? Yes

What is it? We have all met the jerk or shallow princess.

If there isn't one, what would you suggest?

7. Conclusion: "Free will, disillusion of reality and value of consequence all play into the individual choice to obey the law more so than genetics or upbringing."

How does the author conclude the essay? very well, ties it up by bringing the ultimate goal of debunking "nature vs. nurture" to a close.

What do you think of it? very well rounded at the end.

8. Flow/Transitions: there were a number of mechanical errors that made it read a little bumpy. While setting up the broader aspects of your essay in the second paragraph it might be a good place to introduce Nixon and the Manson Family as your examples. That may make the transitions between the two in your main paragraphs a little more understandable.

Does each paragraph expand upon the thesis? yes

Do the paragraphs flow? yes

Which paragraphs have bumpy transitions? third paragraph, when bringing in Nixon. Might be good to use both Nixon, and the Family, in each paragraph (it doesn't feel necessary for the introduction paragraph though).