Workshop for Sarah Newman

Cause/Effect Workshop

Thesis:

Although social networking websites such as MySpace and Facebook appear benign, they have negative effects on teenagers because teens may rely on Internet friends more than real friends, they might become involved with groups that encourage dangerous habits, and sexual predators lurk on websites like these.

1. Restate the thesis in your own words. If the thesis is a question and not an assertion, make it an assertion. Make sure the words “although” and "because" are in it.

Although social networking websites may seem harmless, they negatively effect teenagers because teens invest unhealthy levels of trust in the people they "meet", they become exposed to dangerous habits inappropriate for their age, and teenagers are a typical prey for sexual predators.

2. Does the thesis argue a link between a cause(s) and effect(s)? Is it at the end of the first paragraph?

Yes, social websites have dangerous effects on teenagers. It is at the end of the thesis paragraph.

3. List the cause(s).

Social websites appear safe for all users.

4. List the effect(s).

-- Teens rely on Internet friends more than real friends.

-- They might become involved with groups that encourage dangerous habits.

-- Sexual predators lurk on websites like MySpace and Facebook.

Audience:

Who is the author's audience? Will the audience already agree with the author, or is the author writing to the opposition? How can you tell? Give specific examples.

The audience might be parents of teenagers or social workers. The audience would agree, I think. The paper deals with a current problem our society is facing.

Counterargument:

List the counterarguments (arguments of the author’s oppositions) used in the paper (there should be at least three). Does the author adequately address these arguments? Do you think there are other arguments that could be addressed? Do you see any logical fallacies?

1. Teens that rely on Internet friends feel that they are faithful

2. Sites where people make pacts with other people to commit suicide on the same day and time.

3. They are able to transform themselves into the person they want to be.

They are used to support her argument.

Title:

Does the paper have an interesting title? If not, help author come up with one.

It isn't a very interesting title. Maybe something like: Teens! Teens!! and More Teens!!!

Introduction:

Is there a catchy lead sentence? What is it? If there isn't one, what would you suggest?

Not an interesting lead-in. Maybe incorporate the idea of your current lead-in with a personable anecdote.

Conclusion:

How does the author conclude the paper? What do you think of it?

Good closing paragraph, a few mechanics problems early on. The last sentence feels kind of globbed together.

Flow/Transitions:

Does each paragraph expand upon the thesis? Do the paragraphs flow? Which paragraphs have bumpy transitions?

Really good transitions, kept the context together. Watch for redundancies, "anyone can sign up for these sights."